The New World Bank - Parody

A Message from New World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz

"It's not easy running a country these days. Citizens demanding services. Neighbors invading or skirmishing on your borders. And a skeptical press watching your every move. Well, cross "get money I need to stay in power" off your "to-do" list. Because at the NewWorldBank we give your country the credit it deserves. Our loan officers are ready to say "yes" to your project."

News Releases
NewWorldBank announces "Oil for Magazines" Program 2/24/05

NewWorldBank to sponsor GlobalHunger Banquet in New York City, April 1, 2005

Starting a New Country or Re-Inventing an Old one?
The NewWorldBank has teamed up with the Country Company to offer a package of great services for new world leaders. Deluxe 10 page Constitution, complete UN membership application, a moving National Anthem and a professionally designed Flag are all included at one low price.

Refurbishing That Musty Presidential Palace?
Or building a secret hide-a-way in the mountains of a neighboring friendly country? Whatever your needs, a remodeling and new palace construction expert at the NewWorldBank is ready to help finance your home sweet home. They can also help recommend those extra special touches that make an underground fortress a home!

New World Bank Makes Major Loan to Uflarkistan to Develop Tourism
The New World Bank announced a $USD 2 Billion loan to Uflarkistan to help the country develop it's tourism industry. Uflarkistan's current economy is based on the export of cat litter. See more about Uflarkistan here.

Global Warming: Big Energy Savings Predicted
A new survey released today by the New World Bank Office of Science and Technology predicts big benefits from global warming. Chief Scientist Porter Clampett at the new Global Renewable Energy Research Institute in Houston, Texas says that countries will be able to slash heating costs up to 25% during the next 35 years if the warming trends continue. These benefits clearly outweigh the possible costs of constructing a 230,000 mile seawall to protect against rising ocean levels. In addition, the construction of the seawall is predicted to generate over 20 million jobs worldwide in the construction and cement industries. Clampett says that the rising ocean levels will also offer the opportunity to develop new luxury seaside resorts in places such as Chicago, Paris and Beijing. The New World Bank is gearing up by offering new Kyoto KashBack bonus plans for low lying countries who begin raising their seacoasts today.

NewWorldBank Extends Moolah for Mullahs Program
Qualifying countries now have until April 1st to submit their applications.

NewWorldBank Premier
Rewards Card
There's nothing worse than being turned down for credit when you're busy running a country. That won't happen again with the NewWorldBank Premier Rewards Card. With no preset spending limits and unlimited overdraft protection you have the freedom to build that ice palace in the desert or turn that extra rain forest into plantations. Plus you earn rewards every time you use it! Build a new dam? Earn Rewards. Wipe out enemies? Earn rewards. You spend, you earn with the only card that gets your country the credit it deserves!

PeaceKeeper Loans from the
NewWorldBank
Wars can be expensive. But with new PeaceKeeper Loans from the NewWorldBank we've got you covered front and center. Use them to recruit your Army. Buy supplies. Even rent an air force or a navy. For a limited time only you can get One Month's free training from our partner the US Army with your first conflict. Plus the New WorldBank offers some of the most attractive options for post-war reconstruction. You wreck it, we help you rebuild it. It's that easy.

US Air Force and the NewWorldBank Offer Triple Bonus Miles to Coalition Of the Willing Partners
Qualifying military personnel heading to or from more than 200 international hotspots now earn FREQUENT FLIER MILES and TRIPLE REWARDS POINTS when using the NewWorldBank Rewards and Premier Rewards Cards for their clothing, food, fuel, ammunition and medical expenses.

Letting Bygones be Bygones
Missed payments, defaulted loans, human rights abuses? These are longer a reason to get turned down for a loan at the NewWorldBank. Our loan officers are empowered to look beyond a few blemishes in your record to help you turn your dream into a reality.

Travel In Style and Safety
We've teamed up with Boeing to make the luxury of a Presidential 767 Jet within the reach of even the smallest country. All new orders this month get TWO free gifts: a free satellite phone system and a free in-flight Jacuzzi. And new fleet discounts and leasing terms make this great deal even more attractive to budding regional superpowers! Remember, nothing says you've "arrived" like arriving in your own jumbo jet so act today! (Free gift offer to online loan applications only)